There is a difference between where I am and where I want to be. I think I have depth, but I’m really quite shallow. I try to be holy, but I’m mostly profane. I want to be passionate, but I’m mostly lifeless. I think I depend on You, but I usually depend on myself. I believe I’m humble, but I’m usually full of pride. I want to give You glory, but deep down I want the applause. I say I praise and I respect You, but my heart is full of doubt and my soul struggles to believe.
I often find it impossible to move spiritually, so I ask You to move closer to me or, if You would, to move me closer to You. I want You in my heart but often lock the doors. Would You open the door and move in?
I feel so small in Your presence. I feel so powerless to be like You. You are so bright. I can’t see You. I am unable to focus on You for more than a minute. As I try to keep Your face in view, other images and my own reflection constantly intrude. I can focus on the eternal for only a few seconds, until the immediate re-enters with force. I can concentrate on Your holiness only moments until a degenerate thought distracts me.
My default setting is me. I beg You to change my parameters. Change my programming. My natural instinct is self-focus. Transform me into Your image, one degree of glory at a time.
Yet despite all these limitations, there is a part of me that has been renewed and changed. And that part of me draws me to You, and it receives Your signal, and it speaks without words, and it touches You in ways I cannot explain. Refine that gift in me. Strengthen my spirit in the inner me. Make me a tool in Your kit. Make me an instrument in Your orchestra. Make me a player on Your team. Make me a note in Your song.
In Jesus’ name, Amen